When you should say “what” instead of “why”

The negotiation has been intense and the deal is about to close until…

Your prospect says, “I need it delivered next week”

Most people would respond, “Why do you need it delivered next week?”

Wrong question.

You should ask, “What makes it necessary to be delivered next week?”

People love to be asked what to do and how to do it.

Why triggers defensiveness.

Why makes you feel accused.

How do I know this?

In Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It by Chris Voss, he talks about creating the illusion of control when negotiating.

You gain the upper hand when you ask calibrated questions or open-ended questions.

Using “what” and “how” questions makes them feel like they are in control of the negotiation.

Your goal when negotiating is to create rapport and trust.

“Why” questions hurt rapport instead of creating rapport.

Remember when you broke your mother’s favorite vase and she angrily asked, “Why did you do that?”

You felt horrible about breaking the vase and she made you feel worse by asking…